Suppose you'd had enough of those lefty liberal do-gooders telling you what you can and can't say. Suppose you think political correctness really has gone mad and you've had it up to here with those immigrants coming over here taking our jobs and those trendy intellectuals mocking us with their plays and books. And suppose you've decided that enough's enough and it's down to you to do something about it before it's too late. Where's the first place you should think of for making your voice heard?
Yes, that's right, TV Times. Admittedly it's calmed down a good deal since then, not least when the publishers realised that all their readers wanted was Bruce Forsyth in a comedy oversized chef's hat making something out of 'leftovers', but back in the sixties, Independent Television's premier listings magazine was no friend of the Permissive Society. The letters page was regularly filled with mouth-frothing rants against nothing in particular that put the average Daily Mail correspondent to shame, and quite often their celebrity contributors weren't much better. Here are a couple of... well, they're not exactly 'highlights', are they?
Young Keith R. Warren was doubtless aaaaaahhhhing away with self-satisfied pride when his declaration of how much cleverer he was than every single other television viewer made it into print. Don't be a miserable minnie and object when you find something substandard or offensive, he suggests, read a book or spend time with your children instead, or even knuckle down and do an honest day's work! So committed is he to this cause that he even gets a dig at the BBC in, though thankfully he stops short of saying that he doesn't want to go to Callaghan's promised land which much surely rank as the most abhorrent and miserable land that has ever been promised to the people of a nation state. Anyway, we can but hope that all readers took heed of his advice. Or alternatively told him to fuck off and behave like an actual sixteen year old and generally mind his own fucking business. Whichever works best for you.
Continuing on one of Keith's themes, Michael A. Considine of Fulwood, Lancashire, clearly a man who has had enough of experts, writes to inform us all that his opinions on the BBC are more valid and worth heeding than those of the Postmaster General. There is, he believes, no longer any need for the BBC to exist, not least because nobody is watching it, and as such it should be immediately decommissioned and all broadcast frequencies should be handed to the commercial channels. He even has some not at all vague ideas of how these channels could be funded in future, involving a series of regional taxes. Though at no point does he state that it's not a rule and not one that has to be complied with.
Of course, ITV itself was never above criticism, and its loyal adherents were always quick to write in and point out when this free service that they did not pay for had failed to comply directly and unswervingly with their own personal socio-political standpoint. Here (Mrs) Shirley Foster tuts loudly at the mere idea that the police force might ever be portrayed in a manner that facilitates comedy or indeed actual proper drama with a storyline that lasts longer than three and a half minutes, while (Mr) H. Bennett gets all red in the face about those young upstart satirists having the temerity to poke fun at a distinguished statesman whose only crime was to take near-dictatorial measures to preserve white minority rule in an African territory. And if you think Joe Public was bad, have a look at some of Independent Television's stars...
Here, in a typical example, 'Geraldo' - the host of Gerry's Inn and leader of the 'Gaucho Tango Orchestra' - furrows his brow over the skiffle boom, which he summarily denounces as 'piffle'. Geddit?! Popular music is being 'murdered' by Tommy Steele and company, he believes, though in a classic 'make your mind up, mate' manoeuvre he also believes that 'most' people have rejected rock'n'roll. This sort of controversial outburst probably kept him in shirts with Toplinised collars for a while, but the cold hard fact of the matter is that now you can't move for BBC4 and Radio 2 documentaries about Lonnie Donegan, but nobody even seems to remember poor old Geraldo Bright. And he wasn't the worst musical offender by any means...
Now come, on, we all know about Eric Clapton's infamous 'Enoch Was Right' outburst, but this is ridiculous. Especially as they can't even have been more than about two years old at the time. And speaking of everyone's favourite exponent of speeches that go up 'fizz' like a rocket...
Here's the original swivel-eyed loon himself back in 1964, explaining rather confusingly why he believes that politicians should ignore the base distraction of television debate and discussion and get on with the serious business of politics, upon which the public will just fall into line or something and certainly not base anything on whatever they see or hear in the media, a tradition currently being grandly upheld by celebrated doer of wheelies on his BMX, Jeremy Corbyn. Small wonder, then, that the odious quavery-voiced old creep didn't invite any television crews along to the Rivers Of Blood speech, and spent all of his time thereafter claiming that anyone waving transcripts of his own words at him could not possibly claim to understand the subtleties of a speech they were not witness to. When he wasn't blabbering on about an unknown biblical source named Q and something about it not being an elephant, that was.
There was, of course, only one solution to this, as 'The Editor' makes clear - close down the BBC. After all, he (come on, it was probably a 'he') points out, it's old and it costs money that doesn't go into the pocket of the businessman in his suit and tie, and anyway someone said once they liked it better than ITV which isn't fair. Plus with their main rival out of the way, they'd be free to make even more episodes of World In Action and Credo, honest.
Still, never let it be said that they weren't prepared to give space to opposing views, and here's Michael Foot MP explaining his entirely logically-founded and thoroughly thought-through view that there should be no censorship of television under any circumstances ever. Sadly, his views on Big Breadwinner Hog are not on record.
Well, we need a bit of a change of pace after all of that, frankly, so here's Ronnie Barker talking about his worryingly obsessive Rod Hull/Jelly-like interest in 'postcards'. But only 13,000 of them. The others he doesn't care about. Anyway, join us again the time after next time for some of the most hideous sexism ever to appear in the name of television listings. Next time itself, though, there's something more terrifying still...
